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Why Kids Snort Sugar!

I got this idea from Kia and Mrs. Bear and a host of others who are doing these clever “Google search string” posts.

“Why Kids Snort Sugar!”

Apparently if you a concerned about such occurrences in your own home, you can consult Three Channels and we are burgeoning authority on this topic.  Edward has been known to dip an errant finger into the sugar bowl from time to time but I’ve never seen him line up actual crystals on a mirror.  Yet again, there’s always next week…

“Role of Gender in the Necklace”

My, this does make my blog sound erudite.  Judith Butler, you’d better run!  (I’m more the anti-Judith Butler in actuality.  Although, sadly, I did use her as a source during graduate school.)  Nothing like having children to convince you that gender is biological!  Gracious!

“Huswifery Attitude Towards God”

I’m not sure exactly what this means from a theological perspective.  Perhaps it is looking at varying attitudes of women in the Mary vs Martha sense?  I would have been a torn “Mary” but would have spent the next several months guilt-ridden that I didn’t help Martha prepare the food.  Then to assuage the guilt, I would have prepared countless mediocre chicken/wild rice casseroles and cleaning-fluid-smelling lemon bars for delivery to undeserving shut-ins…

“Huswifery Broken Down”

That would be my house, right?  My fear of casseroles, my disdain for casserole caddies, my distaste of mending baskets, my bitter charwoman allusions…

“Dwarf Hamster Crying”

I mean I feel almost bad, like I’m stealing this from Stimey.  I’d give a dwarf hamster 17 minutes of life in this house.  Particularly since the overactive puppy arrived on the scene!

“Infant on Omnicef Poop Doesn’t Smell”

My question would be, “Is it worth $100.00 to have baby poo that doesn’t smell for 10 days?” I guess if an ear infection is cured in the process, the answer is “Yes!”  I also wonder how anyone who actually has an infant would have time to Google something that isn’t an actual problem.

“Poems about School Crazys and the in thing in the 80s”

See, this reminds me of Facebook and all the reasons I live in deadly fearful of Facebook.  I know, I know, I should try it because I would love it.

Yard Butt

Most of you all missed this early blogging controvery but a few might recall my vacillation regarding using the word “butt” in the title of a post…how I switched the title back and forth from “butt” to “bottom” and how I wrestled with my own blogging identity through this trial.

That was kinda fun.  Thanks for indulging me!

Posted on 6 February '09 by , under Huswifery. 8 Comments.

Tiresome Tuesday: Kia, The Good Enough Mama, My Friend

Thank you Kia from Good Enough Mama for this idea!

Kia wrote a particularly vitriolic, authentic and fascinating post about the things she’s tired of!  I simply love reading her blog because she is so fascinatingly real.

I crave real these days.

Anyway, I read her post a few minutes ago and I decided that I feel so much the same way she feels these days.  So while I can’t hope to be as entertaining or neologistic as Kia, here’s a list of things I’m tired of of which I’m tired.

1.  Every day, without fail, my sweet three-year-old, whom I am trying to teach how to drink out of an “open big girl cup,” spills highly expensive organic ‘chochat’ almond milk all over my clean kitchen floor.  And it splashes up on the kitchen table, about 6 feet away on the tile, always hits school papers, and always mixes with cracker crumbs and craisins to make a glue-like, sticky ick mash that inevitably gets tracked by other children’s shoes throughout the home and all over the one light-colored area rug.

Every day, I get down on my hands and knees with a navy wash cloth (leftover from my trousseau when the ‘in’ colors were navy, hunter green and wine,) and clean, swab, scrub and rub this chocolately goo.  And every day I miss countless drops, which then become mixed with bagel crumbs, raisins, banana strings, carpet fuzz, grass and, despite my costly pest control service, ants.

I am tired of this.  It make me feel like a charwoman.  An incredibly over-educated charwoman.

2.  I am tired of my children picking their noses.  Every last one of them.

3.  I love my children’s creativity, but occasionally I grow a tad weary of the messes.  Yes, Edward has innovatively used a basket to become a life-like turtle.  Still yes, he dumped out 200 Hot Wheel cars in order to do so.

4. I am tired of that Jitterbug commercial about the cell phone service with over-sized buttons targeting an older population that is unable to add or retrieve phone numbers from their cell phone.  I am also tired of relatives who actually tape paper to their cell phones with the phone numbers of family members because they, too, are unable to use the phone to retrieve the numbers.  WHY CAN’T THEY JUST USE THIS JITTERBUG SERVICE?

5.  I am tired of trying to make meals for my family…lately my creativity has stopped at offerings like canned Mandarin oranges, plain noodles and re-heated chicken nuggets.

I am so weary.  This exercise, however, has made me feel better.  Thank you Kia!

Posted on 7 October '08 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 5 Comments.