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Just Call Me Lisa LaPorta

I staged my house to sell.  Yes, you know the house–the one with literally thousands of books scattered mindlessly and moths procreating in jars throughout the kitchen next to tadpole colonies.


Yes, believe it or not, this is MY house.  I staged it myself…with a little help from a few friends who loaned artwork, lamps, patio furniture and the like.


Just like Lisa LaPorta commands on Designed to Sell.


I recklessly decluttered.


I rented a storage unit and hid all the offensive Little Tykes cars, Little People villages, farms and zoos, Hot Wheels tracks and Star Wars Lego villages.



I organized everyone’s clothes by color.

I threw away half my tupperware and countless useful bug  jars in the name of “creating space and giving an illusion of storage.”


(I’ll probably never again own a stuffed egg caddy from the 1970s.  Gone forever are the jello molds from the 1960s.  I don’t know how I can live without four bundt pans, but I guess I’ll have to learn.)


Yes, I skewered myself in the name of home staging.  I planted flowers, edged beds, created herb gardens, spread pine straw, bleached grout, repainted rooms, touched up trim, replaced ovens, purged books, alphabetized canned goods, removed personal photos and children’s artwork–all in the name of home staging so that my house would sell, BY OWNER, in a timely fashion during a less than robust housing market.



I pressure washed that patio myself!


And then I sold my house to one of my dearest friends in all the world who has seen my house with peanut-butter encrusted grout, spider sanatoriums in every corner and endless laundry mountains.

(No, you don’t need me to tell you God has a definite sense of humor, but I do seem to be a frequent vehicle of such a reminder.)

So here I sit the night before the movers arrive–a night when I am supposed to be deciding which items we cannot live without for the next few months versus which which things can go to some random storage unit in South Georgia–now I sit at my computer and sob and sob and sob to leave my friends and my home for eight years, only to return to the home of my youth–a town I haven’t lived in since 1985.

Times, they are a-changin’.

That is certain.

It’s about to get really interesting.

Posted on 12 August '09 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany.

29 Comments to “Just Call Me Lisa LaPorta”

#1 Posted by Peanut (12.08.09 at 01:17 )


And you did a gorgeous job. And I might want to hire you to do my (900 s.f.) home in about a year. And, yes, I realize that you don’t live near me 😉

And though I’m not at all fond of change, I AM able to look back and appreciate it… I hope you get to see the benefits real soon.

#2 Posted by mrsbear (12.08.09 at 07:59 )

*Gasp* No wonder you’ve been off the blogging map. It’s simply gorgeous. Granted I’ve never seen the “before” images, but I think your descriptions will suffice. I’m sad that you’re sad, but I’m sure your new home will provide a perfect setting for new memories and fantastic blog fodder. Think of all those new spiders to cultivate. Good luck with the move and the sorting. Keep us posted on your progress. 🙂

#3 Posted by Ashley (12.08.09 at 13:38 )

Oh I am so sad 🙁 – we needed more time to prepare.

#4 Posted by Anonymous (12.08.09 at 14:43 )

Wow! You did an amazing job. I’ll look forward to following along in this adventure as I embark on a new adventure of my own!

#5 Posted by acarlson (12.08.09 at 16:15 )

don’t go. we will ruin your beautiful house. it doesn’t stand a chance against my people. please stay.

#6 Posted by Tari (12.08.09 at 20:42 )

It still looks awesome! Bravo!!!!!!!

And we sold our last house to the people who came on 5 minutes notice while the nanny was home with both boys (sick, of course) and the house was being cleaned. The woman who looked at it loved it because her son was with her and he had a great time playing with my (yes, sick) boys. And that after all those worthless open houses where Boyd scrubbed wood trim with bleachy cleaner and I washed windows compulsively right up until the last second … strange.

#7 Posted by Kim (12.08.09 at 21:50 )

you did an amazing job – your house is beautiful
and it was full of love
You will be GREATLY missed and I
can not think about it b/c I will sit here
and Sob and Sob!!
However I do have some comfort in knowing that
a wonderful family will be buying your great home!!!!
WE love you!!

#8 Posted by Tonggu Momma (13.08.09 at 00:10 )

Wow — too bad you sold it already. Because I wouldn’t mind having a walk-through. And can you believe that I pressure-washed our porch, sidewalk and driveway today? Cuz I totally did. Did you hand keep vibrating after you finished your patio?

Blessings to you during this time of transition. Sounds like a lot of local friends will be in mourning when you leave.

#9 Posted by Danette (15.08.09 at 11:18 )

Wow, you did a great job, the house looks awesome! Best of luck to you in your move and getting settled into your new home.

#10 Posted by Carla (17.08.09 at 18:17 )

the house looks awesome!!!!!

and {HUG} on the moving away from friends. May you make new friends and keep the old closer than you think. {HUG}

#11 Posted by Carla (18.08.09 at 19:29 )

lady…we MUST TALK…just hit me where.

#12 Posted by astarte (19.08.09 at 14:49 )

Congratulations on selling the house!!!! It did look beautiful, even if it was really all for almost nothing. Still, look what a great job you did!

#13 Posted by Jason (19.08.09 at 19:52 )

This is a great parenting site. When I get married, I’m going to make sure my wife goes to websites like this one. I have a site myself where anyone can freely express their opinions on controversial debate topics. Check it out when you get the chance and feel free to express your thoughts on any topic. We have some parenting ones in there.

Also, maybe we can exchange links. Let me know if this is possible.


#14 Posted by andreacook (21.08.09 at 14:30 )

Hi EC!!! I’m back! How’s it going? You’re moving? Sorry I’ve been out of touch, on the D. L.
Hope you are doing well.

#15 Posted by Kia (Good Enough Mama) (23.08.09 at 15:22 )

It looks awesome. I’m sure your friend appreciates that she won’t have to do the scrub-down of her new house that we all insist on doing when we take possession. I’m sorry you’re sad about moving, but you’re so incredible, I’m sure you’ll make all kinds of new friends without trouble.

Hurry up and buy a house and settle in already. We need updates. 🙂 No presh. Honest.

#16 Posted by Patty (23.08.09 at 22:23 )

Wow, your house is gorgeous!! I am so impressed with how much work you have done. And you have inspired me. We are looking to move to a place where we can get some services and therapy for Danny and I will have to do so much to get our house ready to sell (of course, first we have to find a job), so I will be thinking of you as I start working on the house.

I sure hope your new home is wonderful and you make lots of great friends. The people in your new town are lucky to have you! I wish you were moving to the midwest!! I know it must be hard, though. I don’t relish the thought of leaving my town and friends, etc. Good luck!

#17 Posted by Katherine (06.09.09 at 03:35 )

Did I miss something? You’re moving? The house looks great, best of luck with the move.

#18 Posted by Stonefox (17.09.09 at 04:10 )

That is really something, Elizabeth. I think you’ve found a new calling.

#19 Posted by mrsbear (20.09.09 at 17:26 )

Well? How’s it going? 😉

#20 Posted by Tess (11.11.09 at 11:36 )

Maybe your friend did that on spurpose so they’d get it all cleaned out-lol. congrats and it looks lovely.

#21 Posted by Accidental Expert (13.11.09 at 20:03 )

Wow! Your house looks beautiful. Can I buy it?

Very impressive. Just found your blog from MBC and will be following.

#22 Posted by Anonymous (23.11.09 at 22:02 )

When you moved, did you forget to pack your computer? Heh. Where are you, friend?

#23 Posted by Patty (08.12.09 at 16:58 )

I really, really miss your blog! Where are you? I hope everything is ok!

#24 Posted by VIOLETA (12.12.09 at 20:33 )

Hello from Romania ,
please read the blog – My heart His words – at archive blog please look at November – Humbled and Convicted-

, my friend Tammy Nischan wrote them the story and some pictures of some hungryes poors kids , what we try to help them for Christmas .Our LORD will be so proud of us if we will do something! Many kids dont have food ,or Christmas tree becouse theu are so poors ! I fight so much to help this kids but i cant alone ~ if anyoane wants to know much more or wish to help in anyway you can please let me know email me at :

I love you blog,
sweet blessings and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

#25 Posted by Stonefox (27.12.09 at 07:50 )

Worried about you! Lots of love and prayers and Merry Christmas.
.-= Stonefox´s last blog ..Don’t Give Up! =-.

#26 Posted by Patty (31.12.09 at 20:58 )

Are you ever coming back? Because the blogiverse is NOT the same without you. Please come back. Please!

#27 Posted by Crysm (15.01.10 at 22:49 )

Hey Lady! I hope the move went well and you are feeling settled enough to start blogging again. I’m sure I speak for many when I say we miss you.
.-= Crysm´s last blog ..What Do You Think? =-.

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