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Twelve Things My Children Will Never Hear Me Say

(Helene did this hilarious post the other day so I am copying her!)

Let me move that Spode sugar bowl closer so you can ream out a decent fingerful of sugar!


I love it when tiny frogs are lost in the house!  Yes, by all means, bring that insect menagerie inside to lure out the frogs!


My lipstick is your lipsick!


I like where you are going with the distressing of this wall.  Repeatedly spinning and knocking this leather chair is creating such an authentic, aged plaster effect.  Perfect for this circa 1990 home!


There’s no need to shower–just wipe your mud-encrusted knees on the one clean rug I own!

Certainly!  Butter is a wonderful finger food!


Absolutely, you can swing on that poison ivy vine—why don’t you give your baby sister a boost?

Oh, just throw those purple puppy pee towels in the washer with my white monogrammed 600 thread count sheets!

Free cotton candy?  Golden!  Why don’t you get a pink and a blue!


Iced tea spoons were just made for eating cereal!  Don’t worry about cleaning up all those raisins you picked out of that costly organic raisin bran you just had to have!


Feel free to roam around my clean house while you leisurely eat dinner!  Why don’t you see if you can flick banana strings on the chandelier!


Mountain Dew is a great thing to drink before bed!


Posted on 24 February '09 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany.

24 Comments to “Twelve Things My Children Will Never Hear Me Say”

#1 Posted by Tonggu Momma (24.02.09 at 17:38 )


Tonggu Mommas last blog post..The Telling Tin

#2 Posted by astarte (24.02.09 at 17:43 )

My favorite is the frog one! Egad!!!!!!

#3 Posted by kim (24.02.09 at 17:52 )

LOL that is hilarious!!
great post

kims last blog post..Mom is doing better

#4 Posted by JoyMama (24.02.09 at 18:14 )

Oh, that is glorious! Complete with illustrations!

I think my favorite is the butter. LOL!

JoyMamas last blog post..Procrastination

#5 Posted by goodfountain (24.02.09 at 18:37 )

Hysterical! Your wall looks a little too familiar…

goodfountains last blog post..Lining up toys

#6 Posted by Tari (24.02.09 at 21:56 )

love it!

Taris last blog post..Houston Tea Party

#7 Posted by Kia (GoodEnoughMama) (24.02.09 at 22:01 )

Awesome! I’m so stealing this idea, too.

Kia (GoodEnoughMama)s last blog post..Random Tit-Slinging Tuesday Thoughts

#8 Posted by BQkimmy (24.02.09 at 22:10 )

Oh so funny!
what a great idea for a post
oh, and my walls totally look like that behind our chair too!

BQkimmys last blog post..Brain Candy review

#9 Posted by Carla (24.02.09 at 22:50 )


Carlas last blog post..Disney 2009 – Chapter 3.1 – Animal Kingdom

#10 Posted by Ashley (24.02.09 at 23:10 )

SOOoooooo FUNNY!

#11 Posted by Stonefox (24.02.09 at 23:45 )

Hilarious!!! I needed this! 🙂

Stonefoxs last blog post..Spiritual Sex

#12 Posted by Helene (25.02.09 at 12:27 )

I totally love this!! I especially love the fingerprints in the butter!! And drinking soda before bedtime…classic!!

Helenes last blog post..Don’t mess with Mama on surgery day!

#13 Posted by mrsbear (25.02.09 at 13:45 )

I know you do not feed your kids Mountain Dew! This was hilarious. I love the taped down note on the table. 😉

mrsbears last blog post..Bla Bla and the Blahs – Random Tuesday Thoughts

#14 Posted by Laura (25.02.09 at 13:49 )

truly inspired…

Lauras last blog post..Musings, Part II: Social Exchanges

#15 Posted by ali (25.02.09 at 15:19 )

Hahahaha! I hate those banana strings! I always find them on the arms of the couch!

#16 Posted by Elizabeth (25.02.09 at 17:57 )

You’re right. I’d especially never give Mountain Dew to *that* particular child!

(It did fit the picture though….)

#17 Posted by she (25.02.09 at 20:51 )

Fabulous! I should write one about things I’ll never say to my students!

#18 Posted by the domestic fringe (25.02.09 at 22:41 )

ROFL! Your poor sheets. I’m so sorry.


#19 Posted by Patty O. (26.02.09 at 11:40 )

Great pictures. I love the Mountain Dew one. Too funny!

Patty O.s last blog post..random thoughts

#20 Posted by Peanut (26.02.09 at 15:09 )

That’s hilarious. You’re going to love re-reading this one years down the road!
I should take more pictures of these kinds of things… probably a little better than the yelling that often happens instead!

Peanuts last blog post..My big girl just got bigger

#21 Posted by April ~ EnchantedDandelions (27.02.09 at 11:02 )

OH, laughing so hard, can hardly breathe!

Love that last picture!

April ~ EnchantedDandelionss last blog post..Carnival Time!

#22 Posted by Keely (28.02.09 at 00:00 )

OMG – that is hilarious.

I love the look of that wall, can they come and do my house? 😉

Keelys last blog post..There’s no theme this week: Friday Fill-Ins

#23 Posted by Barbara (28.02.09 at 11:25 )

Add my compliments! lol!

Barbaras last blog post..More Than Just Backdrop

#24 Posted by Danette (01.03.09 at 16:19 )

ROFL, those are too funny. I may have to copy you too 🙂

Danettes last blog post..Magic Marker Monday: Happy Valentine’s Day!