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Mexican Combos, Steam Cleaners and Goat Milking

A ten-year-old may ignore the start of stomach troubles and insist on consuming a Number 5 Mexican combo to impress his 11-year-old friend.  Later, in the wee hours of the morning, this same boy, might run for the bathroom, sailing over ten feet of carpet and his sister’s giant wooden doll house, yet not making it to the bathroom before a Mexican eruption takes place throughout the room.

(Come to think of it he does look a little peaked here.)

This vesuvius might lead a weary mother to scream into the night, “This will never, ever, ever come out of the carpet!  It’ll have to be ripped up!  There’s no hope!  No amount of steam cleaning can get this up!  I don’t know why I ever agreed to buy a house that had carpet again!”

This mother will then need to sheepishly apologize to her ten-year-old for Mexican fest throw-up blame.

The next morning, this same mother may reluctantly rent a steam cleaner and proceed to spend seven full hours steam cleaning not only the upchuck room, but also every other wretchedly carpeted room in her home.

She might overzealously attack the playroom, vacuuming up gallon after gallon of muddy, play dough tinged soup.  Exhausted, she may proclaim the entire house spotless, and go to bed at 8 pm.

The next morning, however, she may awaken to a troubling, moldly smell emanating from the playroom.  She may rush to Home Depot in a panic, be told that she has soaked the carpet pad and will need to rent an industrial sized dehumidifer as well as several oversized fans in order to have any hope of drying out the carpet pad.

As directed by the Home Depot professionals, she may spray a mold deterrent product all over the carpet and work it feverishly into the carpet pile using her bare hands.  She may discover this is an effective way to remove her own fingerprints, and may spend the next several days with band aids covering each raw fingertip.

In a fit of anger over the destruction of a rather complicated artifact out of floam, an irrationally impulsive 8-year-old boy might “accidentally” shove a plastic throw-up bucket on his five-year-old sister’s head.  (The bucket was rinsed out, but still!)

(The above is a reenactment.)

If this boy does such a detestable act, he will most likely find himself locked in his room, Mead Composition journal in hand, with a command to write ten legible sentences in cursive detailing why his actions were wrong.  He could possibly miss a coveted trip to an agricultural museum and a promise of actual goat milking.

(Below you see this child convincing his sister to push him around on her “princess choo choo” while he simultaneously consumes a Rice Krispie treat and balances a hard wood floor sample piece my husband brought home after I told him the carpet would never come clean.)

While locked in his room, he might write the following:

“I dumped a box that Joseph barfed in on Sue.  I’ll never do that again.  Now I’m in big trouble and have to write sentences.  Right now I am on #4.  This is my best handwriting.  This is also hard.  The words that I am writing are a punishment.  I’m missing my lunch.  I can’t think about anything else to write.  I’m starving.  This is my last sentence.”

I haven’t even started writing about the goat milking…..just wait!

Posted on 19 July '10 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany.

4 Comments to “Mexican Combos, Steam Cleaners and Goat Milking”

#1 Posted by mrsbear (19.07.10 at 20:33 )

Oh my! The richness of the blogging material at your house astounds me. I’m jealous! I’ve got nothing. 🙁

I’m kidding, of course. I wouldn’t wish barf and mildewy carpets upon anyone. We were daft enough to install carpets in all the bedrooms when we moved in seven years ago and I’ve been kicking myself ever since. Kids + dogs + carpet + life, simply do not mix. Carpet is for single women with minimalist decor who walk only in their clean socks and eat exclusively over the kitchen sink.
.-= mrsbear´s last blog ..Absence Makes the Brain Grow Moldy =-.

#2 Posted by JoyMama (21.07.10 at 12:36 )

The sentence-count reminds me of the song from You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown where Lucy beefs up the word-count in her book report on Peter Rabbit by concluding”The very, very, very end… Amen!”

Can’t wait to hear about the goat milking…
.-= JoyMama´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts =-.

#3 Posted by Patty (24.07.10 at 10:13 )

If it is any consolation, I was sure that Joseph had actually had diarrhea on the carpet, not throw up. That, I think would have been even worse. Still, I feel your pain!

We have nasty carpet all over our house and I am itching to get rid of it. Now, we found out that my husband’s allergies extend to dust mites and that is what is exacerbating his asthma. The doctor says getting rid of carpet is a good move. I just wish hard wood flooring wasn’t so darned expensive!

I hope Joseph is feeling better. And let us know if you end up milking a goat….
.-= Patty´s last blog ..random thoughts-summer edition =-.

#4 Posted by Barbara (29.07.10 at 15:20 )

I blame the carpet foam – should have had non-absorbent coating, eh?

Enjoyed this story but sorry you had to work so hard to introduce it.
.-= Barbara´s last blog ..What to Ask of An Occupational Therapist =-.