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Because Mondays are trying enough…

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A Good Mum makes life easier, with this handy mumber number!

1 Number of goals Edward got in his soccer scrimmage game tonight!

Me:  “So how was Cardinal Coach Kelly?”  I ask, since, after the day we had today, (I’ll post later), I needed to stay home with the other two and stare blankly at the ceiling.

Edward:  “She’s not literally a bird, Mom, she’s only figuratively a ‘cardinal coach.’  That’s something you need to understand, Mom.”

7 Number of times Swiffer and Mr. Mop were discussed, pontificated upon, queried about, etc., today alone.

Edward:  “Why does Mr. Mop always fail?  Why Mom?  Why does he have all these hairs stuck to him?  Why?  Let’s compare the two like the commercial!  Won’t that be fun?  Don’t you want to do that right now, Mom?  Let’s do it now, shall we?  I think that’s such a good idea, don’t you, Mom?  Go find the Mr. Mop you have, Mom, and I’ll find the Swiffer and we’ll do it right now!  It’s time to find out for ourselves what the truth is!  You go, please, go now, and get that Mr. Mop!  I’m looking forward to doing this, aren’t you?  Don’t you think it will be the greatest thing to see? I know it’s time to eat dinner but I believe this is more important, don’t you Mom?”

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1 Number of Lhasa Apso pups I almost hit in the road today, scooped up from near-death, took home, allowed to tee-tee on my rug, found the owner for.  Of course there’s more but I’m still processing it all…

2 Number of Lean Shakes I drank today in my weight-loss yearnings.

5 Number of Bagel Bites I consumed, thereby canceling out the “lean-ness” of the shakes.

4 Number of consecutive days Edward has worn his Upward soccer uniform 24/7.  The reversible nature of the shirt is perfect for E.  Ketchup smear on the blue “cardinal” side?  Simply switch over to the gray “cardinal” image!  Your undershirt will soak up the remaining ketchup, keeping your chest clean and dry!

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$14.96 Actual amount Edward charged to my cell phone in downloaded games.  (The bill came today.)  Tonight he promised it would be more in the $9.00 range soon since he has another tooth that’s ready to fly and that should earn him a “cool $5.00″ from “that Fairy.”  Sounds a bit like entitlement to me.  If I were Edward, I’d be concerned the “Fairy” might change her offerings in the wake of the economic downturn…

2,507 Number of gallons of old pool water our grocery-store-chain-owning, horse breeding “top neighbors” on the hill drained into our yard, leaving it a festering, mudboggy swamp, before realizing their pool pump line was broken.  I’m contemplating calling them tomorrow to see if one of their “yard men,”  (I did say men), can come and sop up some of the watery sludge my children are splashing about every time they try to walk Sophie, or trudge to the trampoline, or dig up grubs, or whatever else they do in the back yard.  I need these children to be in the back yard.  For long periods of time.  Perhaps my “top neighbor” can send her maid on down with a Swiffer or Mr. Mop to swab my floors?

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I know the view down into my yard from her pool deck isn’t the most inviting, but I’m fairly confident we could drag out even more Little Tikes toys and render it more tempting.  Her darlings are always clamoring to climb the fence into our yard.  Wouldn’t you?

Posted on 30 March '09 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 14 Comments.

Random Tuesday Thoughts Spoiled Eggbeaters

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This is the Un Mom‘s creation and if you haven’t done it, you should start!

* I found a carton of Eggbeaters in my fridge a few minutes ago.  From November 2008.  Do you think it’s spoiled?

*  Edward is playing Upward Soccer for the first time, proudly expounding to anyone who will listen that his team is the Cardinals.  Trouble ensued, however, yesterday when he received his blue uniform because all the Upward uniforms are identical.  “Coach Kelly, Cardinal Coach Kelly, there are no blue cardinals.  I think we have the wrong uniform.  The cardinal bird is a bright red, Cardinal Coach Kelly!  Red, I tell you!”  Here’s what I wrote on his application form:  We need the most patient coach you have, please. And Cardinal Coach Kelly is amazingly patient…so far.

*  Although it’s early for the season and I haven’t been in any woods, I have contracted a huge ‘swok’ of poison ivy on my forearm.  How could this happen?

*  I haven’t adjusted to my hair but I’m still living up to the purse.  A friend had to go get the purse for me at the ball park Saturday because my children had to visit the squatty potty four times during an hour-and-a-half baseball game.  As she hefted it up, she described it as a “suitcase.”  I was a bit miffed until she began rifling around in it and pulled out an entire bottle of organic ketchup.  After two hours of sport, I finally set up shop on the bleachers with the ketchup, three orders of french fries and a pump bottle of hand gel.  This enabled me to watch the game for five minutes.

*  Edward downloaded $21.00 worth of games to my cell phone before I realized his new-found skills.  (Ignore my own inability to download new ring tones.)  Now he clutches my cell phone in one hand and a ketchupy french fry in the other while swigging a Sprite and pretending to watch his brother’s baseball game.

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*  If I made an omlette with those Eggbeaters, how many of you would try it and why?

Posted on 25 March '09 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 19 Comments.