Nutcracker Dreams I Don’t Deserve
Every year beginning when I was three, my mother and grandmother would take me to the Nutcracker. I grew up in Nashville, TN, and the ballet there was lovely and quite established. I would dress in my best Christmas dress, tights and patent leather shoes.
One year, I even had a tiny white fur muff with matching hat. I supposed looking back, this tradition meant a great deal more to me than I realized at the time. I have mourned its passing each year since I left for college, and then later when my grandmother died right before my wedding day.
This year, however, in a sort of unexpected blessing, the tradition was rekindled with my tiny Sue who is finally three. She’s old enough so sit through a ballet without wailing, talking incessantly or needing to nurse. Right before my eyes, God has transformed her from a chubby, bouncing toddler in to a tender-hearted, long-legged, inquisitive little girl.
I have written before about my pregnancy with Sue, and how, after two miscarriages, I longed for a healthy baby with a fervency I’d never felt before. I have many dear friends who have battled infertility for countless years. Some have ended their struggle with a biological child, and others with the grand blessing of adoption. I certainly cannot imagine those kinds of struggles, but I am certain that in loaning us Sue for a short time, God gave us His best.
So yesterday, when God blessed me with the chance to take my own smallish girl to the ballet, I relished in the event. I tried to capture many moments in my mind and in my heart.
Here she is waiting in great anticipation for the ballet to begin.
She sat riveted to her seat, mesmerized by the music and the dance. When we got up for intermission, she was worried that the ballet was over. When we came back after getting our candy and taking a potty break, she exclaimed, “Oh goody! We get to see it again!”
“Mama, I want to be there, on that stage, with them. I want to be there dancing with them. Can I be, Mama, can I do it?”
“Absolutely, sweetheart, absolutely.”
And such a blessing that you get to relive your tradition again.
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