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It’s No Cheap, Showy Trinket

The last time I felt truly good about myself (for all the wrong reasons) was about three weeks ago when I took my children to the dentist.  We arrived clean, pressed, on time and with shoes.  I flossed everyone until their gums bled, and I used my own bleaching toothpaste on their pearlies to make them gleam.

Everyone sat perfectly still for their X-rays, and I did not drug them with dye-free Benadryl.  Nobody cried, flailed, spit, kicked an adult, shot a foul-tasting flouride stream across the room or asked an inappropriate question about a dental hygienist’s undergarment.

As far as anyone could tell, we fit in the box this day.  Was the box of behavior, decorum and cleanliness somehow wide enough for us, or did we cram into it inexplicably? 

We all know the answer.

Yet it was a strange feeling, I tell you, to fit in that box–even if only for a moment.  And a dangerous one, too, because I honestly felt this swell of unhealthy pride.  I actually looked for a moment with disdain at another little boy slathered in post-lunch ketchup beaming Legos at stuffed animals in the waiting room.

His mama didn’t pack two extra shirts in the van; she should know better.

Behold the Fall.

Today our horseback riding teacher called to say we were simply not stable enough on the horse and would need to find some true Hippotherapy.  And then right before football practice, two of us smeared pokeberry juice on our cheeks and foreheads because we were urchin Indians.  Then we swung from a poison ivy vine.

(Apparently this can happen if you read Oliver Twist followed by Last of the Mohicans.)

Then one brother pulled another brother’s tooth a bit prematurely.  There was a lot of blood for a time.

Fast-forward to the part of the day when one child could not bear to look upon a gremlinish face carved into some wooden tree trunk tchotchke at a local Cracker Barrel, and unbeknownst to the parent, walked across the parking lot with his eyes closed, and ran smack dab into the Town & Country with a thud that sounded like an anvil had fallen on the van.

Because his guardian angels are so diligent, he emerged with only a large forehead bruise.  Still, this is “way-outside-the-box” kinda stuff.

I still look back on that day of dental greatness with a wistful sigh.  It was a stellar day.  Yet then I remember that God made my children the way they are for an incredibly specific reason.  And I embrace that, and them, and Him.

And after the excitement of today, just when I am growing weary of my “plight” that is truly a blessing and looking with longing toward my peers in the box, my dear blogging friend Mrs. Bear at Out Numbered Two to One comes to my self-concept rescue with this fine award:

Yes!  Now I finally can use the word “ass” on my blog without offending.  Maybe.

And I get to choose 5 others:

Go ye forth!

1.  The Bon Bon Gazette

2.  The Girl in the Middle

3.  Down-To-Earth Mama

4.  Weenuts

5.  Another Piece of the Puzzle

If I didn’t pick you, it was probably because I didn’t think you would be comfortable with the word “ass” peppering your blog.  You know who you are!

Rules are meant to be broken, but here they are anyway:

1. Choose 5 bloggers that you feel are “Kick Ass Bloggers”.

2. Let ‘em know in your post or via email, twitter or blog comments that they’ve received an “Award!”  Share the love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to www.mammadawg.com.

3. Hop on back to the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!

Fun times!

Posted on 19 August '08 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany.

11 Comments to “It’s No Cheap, Showy Trinket”

#1 Posted by Heidi (20.08.08 at 02:45 )

Girl, you’re crazy, and I LOVE it!

So I’m guessing why I didn’t win the award this time…and you’re probably right, although you don’t want to know the things I say at home. But don’t tell anybody else that!

Love the posts, keep them coming!

Heidis last blog post..Why Laugh?

#2 Posted by Corina (20.08.08 at 09:21 )

Thanks lady!!! I love it! I really am grinning from ear to ear, and, I don’t think that I have done that this week. Thanks for turning the week around!

Corinas last blog post..I thought I had more time…. at least it is cartoonish

#3 Posted by Stacey (20.08.08 at 09:29 )

I love those random days when it all goes as I had hoped it would.

Staceys last blog post..A letter to my son

#4 Posted by Rachel L (20.08.08 at 10:43 )

Love this post — your kiddos sound like so much fun, even when they are being Indian Urchins! 🙂

Congratulations on your award!

#5 Posted by mrsbear0309 (20.08.08 at 11:11 )

You have got a fabulous bunch. And you surely deserve to paste that banner all over your blog because there’s really no better way to say it. You kick ass. Thanks for the laugh. Don’t forget the box is a dark damp restrictive place and if you had to cram yourself in there every day, life would be mighty boring. Besides, what would you ever blog about?
😉 🙂

mrsbear0309s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Out of Gas

#6 Posted by Jaden (20.08.08 at 12:37 )

Personally, I think outside the box is the way to be. Normal is overrated. Sometimes it’s nice to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there… 🙂

Your kids sound like fun! Great post. You are well-deserved of the ass-kicking award.

Jadens last blog post..Wordless Wednesdays #3- Political Persuasions!

#7 Posted by Helene (20.08.08 at 16:55 )

What a funny post!! I’ve had moments like that too myself, even if they only last a little while, where I feel such pride when my kids are well behaved. We just went to the dentist yesterday too and the dentist raved about how well behaved they were and how they followed instructions perfectly during the exam. Then as soon as we got to the mini-van, their horns grew back and we were back to square one again.

Thanks for your comment on my blog!! I’ll definitely be checking in with yours again…I love your sense of humor!

Helenes last blog post..I got an award!!

#8 Posted by Kia (Good Enough Mama) (20.08.08 at 22:11 )

I have SO been there with the smug attitude about someone else’s kid having ketchup on his shirt. 😉 We all resort to that sometimes, if we’re honest! 🙂

Congrats on your ass kicking. I can kick it too, apparently. 😉

Kia (Good Enough Mama)s last blog post..Playground Fun?

#9 Posted by MT (21.08.08 at 17:56 )

Ok I hit “home” instead of submit.. what the heck.. had this big long comment typed out!!!

First, congrats on the dentist success. We have to resort to sedation and it is a big mess – wish it wasn’t.

Now, on the running into the van and getting a bruise.. was it your van at least? and did he dent the van? We had an incident the other day with Alex running down the street and running right into the back of a parked car… dented it bad with his chin.. Car damaged but kid’s chin and face was fine… go figure!!!! It wasn’t our car but the neighbor who owned it didn’t seem to care.


#10 Posted by Peanut (22.08.08 at 18:50 )

Thanks for the award! My first award! I just got back from camping and I’m still trying to figure out if my Grandma would survive seeing “Ass” on my blog, but I’ll get it up there soon.
Congrats on surviving the dentist. We’ve only done one trip so far and my daughter spent the entire time with her fingers in her mouth, hiding her teeth.
Funny how those seemingly well pulled off days can go downhill so fast!

Peanuts last blog post..Happy Birthday Harmony

#11 Posted by Patty O. (23.08.08 at 17:50 )

I so know what you mean about having a “perfect” mom moment and feeling smug. It happens so rarely for me, but when it does, boy I can be pretty proud of myself. Of course, typically the kids humble me when they start bickering or when they say something embarrassing. It is so hard to resist though, sometimes patting ourselves on the back when things go smoothly, which i think is ok. It’s when I start thinking I’m better than others that I usually have a major fall (and well-deserved, too).

Patty O.s last blog post..haircuts and pop tarts