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A Dog Tooth Honesty Lesson

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I was sitting in the kitchen with my coffee yesterday, having a rare quiet moment, when I heard the tell-tale “ka-chump-wump” followed by a searing screel.  Edward shot in the kitchen, both hands clamped down firmly over his mouth, and began hopping up and down frantically.

I threw out my trademarked, “What-on-earth-happened-haven’t-I-told-you-all-not-to-run-in-the-house-why-can’t-you-all-just!” only to watch Edward open his mouth and emit a large pool of bloody gruel.  Then, as fast as he opened it, he closes that mouth and, through bloody spittle, wails, “Ma teef!  Ma teef!  I think they’re gone!”

I jump down to his level, not too terribly panicked because I’ve dealt his 27 other bloody lips, a major tongue laceration, a torn frenulum, etc.

“You’ve got to let mama look!” I implore.  “I’ve got to see what’s going on!  I’m sure they’re not all gone!”

Then he begins this wild bloody spitting while hopping, clasping his mouth and moaning, “Ma mouf!  Ma mouf!”  Sophie, our five-month-old Boston terrier puppy, hurries over in some sort of blood lust and lunges at the collecting pools.

It’s hard to see what is actually going on, what with the hopping and spitting and such, but I do discern the absence of one big tooth and two cuts on the lips.  I relax.  We can handle this.  The tooth was slightly loose, and, as I’ve explained before, he’s an early puller anyway.

Joseph and Sue finally run in breathlessly, feigning an air of concerned innocence.  “We were, uh, playing and then he fell and I…”

I’ve seen this action before.  “You were wrestling, weren’t you?”

“Yes, well, sort of.  And my knee kind of knocked against his mouth and sort of, well…I think I might have knocked out some teeth.”

“You think?”

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This comment brings Edward to certain level of acceptance and then a fresh concern, “OK but where’s my toof!  Where is the toof!  Don’t let it be like last time!”

Now I start to worry slightly that he’s actually swallowed the tooth.

“Joseph–run man!  Go find that tooth!”

Joseph rushes away and is gone for a few long moments.  I apply ice to the toothless mouth, sop up the floor and the child, and attempt a general calm-down.  Joseph finally returns, a triumphant look on his face.

“I found it, I found it!  It was stuck to the couch.”

Yes, well, that does make sense…

I settle Edward down with an organic high fructose corn syrup-free lemon ice to stop the bleeding, and we bag that tooth for the tooth fairy.  Not two seconds after I have him settled, Sue runs in the kitchen, a crazed look on her face, her tiny deft fingers clutching something small and white.

“A tooth!  A tooth!  I found another tooth, Mama!”

Curled in her tiny palm is what, to the untrained canine dentistry eye, looks like a small, white puppy molar.

Joseph immediately begins to calculate:  “Mom, do you think the tooth fairy can tell the difference between a child’s tooth and a dog tooth? I mean, do you think if we put that tooth under his pillow she would bring double the money?”

(Remember, this is a lad who rents wooden bats to naive friends at baseball camp, sells official “tadpole water,” trades worthless McDonald’s trinkets for $5.00 Bakugans, and generally considers himself some sort of Donald Trump of the nine-year-old set.)

“Well, I feel certain the tooth fairy is well-acquainted with the difference between human and canine teeth, but more importantly, do you think it would be honest to try to trick the tooth fairy into leaving something nobody deserves?”

Joseph looks down sheepishly…lesson learned.

And then everyone wants me to take pictures of their mouths!

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Posted on 11 March '09 by , under Faith is the Evidence, Humor/Disconnected Miscellany.

15 Comments to “A Dog Tooth Honesty Lesson”

#1 Posted by Peanut (12.03.09 at 02:10 )

Oh, the picture of the dog cracked me up!

There’s always an adventure at your house :) I love how you turned the tooth-fairy question into a morality lesson. Way to go mom!

Peanuts last blog post..Five things I love about being a nurse

#2 Posted by JoyMama (12.03.09 at 06:57 )

Awww… those mouf pictures are precious, puffy lips and all!

I love the puppy shot too. It looks like she’s saying, “Not me! I didn’t do it!”

Do puppies have baby teeth?! I’m allergic to dogs, so we’ve never had such a thing in our house.

JoyMamas last blog post..Growing Girls

#3 Posted by Patty (12.03.09 at 09:47 )

What a great story! I love it. Such drama. And, though I know it would be wrong to try and trick the Tooth Fairy, I do sort of think it was an ingenious, rather sophisticated (as far as con jobs go) plan, nonetheless. Joseph is really, really smart!! Like in he-could-take-over-the-world-someday sort of smart.

I love the pictures!

Pattys last blog post..my kids are crazy

#4 Posted by ali (12.03.09 at 11:16 )

Poor guy! I just heard a story on NPR the other day that the recession has hit the tooth fairy and her price has dropped from $2 to $1.80–we have yet to experience a lose tooth here but I plan on giving a dollar. Big money compared to the quarters I got as a kid!

#5 Posted by BQkimmy (12.03.09 at 12:33 )

wow! when your kids do something, they sure do it with flair!!!

I love that you included the dogs mouth! and your little Donald Trump sounds EXACTLY like my older brother when he was a kid. (he is now in advertising and does quite well)

BQkimmys last blog post..2 Years Ago Today

#6 Posted by the domestic fringe (12.03.09 at 14:51 )

ROFL – You really had me laughing at this post. Your son is just too funny. Let’s hope he keeps his set of grown-up teeth longer than he keeps these. At this rate, you may have to go back to running his food through a blender soon.

-FringeGirl

#7 Posted by mrsbear (12.03.09 at 16:26 )

Okay, the picture of Sophie at the end was the icing on the cake. Luckily it wasn’t one of Edward’s permanent teeth lost in the fray. My kids love, love, love to wrestle. As a mom, I hate, hate, hate wrestling. Someone ALWAYS gets hurt, unintentionally or otherwise. Lucky for us it’s never been the bloodbath you just described. Ouch. Glad it didn’t result in a dreaded ER visit. Don’t fault Joseph too much, his first million might buy you a lovely beach house. 😉

mrsbears last blog post..When Zombies Come to Visit

#8 Posted by elaine @ peace for the journey (12.03.09 at 17:30 )

Wow…and I thought my life was crazy! Very funny and wonderfully written. Yes, I do think he deserves double for the pain.

peace~elaine

elaine @ peace for the journeys last blog post..Good Soil

#9 Posted by Stimey (12.03.09 at 21:10 )

I really enjoyed this post. And then I scrolled down to that last photo and I made this ridiculous hee-hawing sort of noise because it was so funny. Nice.

Stimeys last blog post..The Next INTERNET PHENOMENON, a.k.a. The Chicken Game

#10 Posted by Rhemashope (13.03.09 at 18:52 )

HILARIOUS!!! LOVE the pictures.
I must tell you, girl. You’ve got me scared to death of the toof-losing phase. Ugh!

Rhemashopes last blog post..This is What I Get

#11 Posted by Tari (13.03.09 at 20:24 )

Thank so so much for the laugh (and the picture of the toof-less mouth. I needed that today!

Taris last blog post..A Valid Observation

#12 Posted by Stonefox (13.03.09 at 22:46 )

Oh. my. goodness. What a way to loose teeth. How in the world do you all survive over there? :)

Stonefoxs last blog post..Bind Them On

#13 Posted by Kia (GoodEnoughMama) (17.03.09 at 15:59 )

Awesome story. One of your best yet! Honestly though? My stomach was in my mouth for a bit. There’s something about children’s mouths and blood and the possibility of teeth being knocked out. EEEEEE!!

Kia (GoodEnoughMama)s last blog post..Random Tuesday Whining and Complaining

#14 Posted by astarte (24.03.09 at 09:19 )

I love that you took a picture of the dog’s mouth, too!!!! haha!

What drama! I’m glad that everyone is actually OK, and that the tooth fairy can make her regularaly scheduled visit. :)

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