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Archive for November, 2008

The Van Ate My Fat Pants

It’s quite true.

My husband has a web site devoted to jeering at the filth with which my children and I pepper my van.

A few friends have notice and embraced the madness, hereafter being lauded as Van Pan Fans.  (It’s a sure-fire method of blogging success, mind you.)

Yet many have not embraced the madness.

This is your turn.

See how the van mutilated my pants?

The van sliding side door teethed down on my fat black pants and chomped mercilessly.  Sue hit the button, and I know she didn’t mean to, but really…it was major.  I mean it’s a huge chunk and there is no way to mend them.

I’m down to these and two other unscathed fat black drawstring numbers, and one pair of Banana Republic jeans with a hole in the knee.  That’s not much to work with my friends, is it?

That’s it!  I’ve got to lose 10 pounds asap or languish in the drawstring-pant.

Sounds like something you’d all want to follow, right?

Posted on 29 November '08 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 20 Comments.

The Thankful Essay

This essay was written last night by Joseph, my 8-year-old.

I am very thankful for my family.  They are very funny.

I am glad I live in the USA and not in Chad.

I am thankful that I have a house to live in.  I am glad that my family is not poor.

I am very glad my family can afford to pay for football, baseball and basketball for me to play.

I am thankful for Jesus.

Posted on 26 November '08 by , under Accidental Homeschooling, Faith is the Evidence. 9 Comments.

Quarantined

Last night Sue was running a low grade fever so I knew something was amiss.  Yet her “Thanksgiving Show” was today at school so I felt positive about this being a cold she was fighting off.

I surmised she might be a little withered but would still be able to don her American Indian costume to sing the perennial favorite “Ooo Wa, Ooo Wa, Shoot that Arrow!” complete with hand motions.

(Isn’t this three-year-old rite of passage?)

Not for sweet Sue.

She awakened with a bright red rash, a rather high fever and bulging, scarlet tonsils.

And then Joseph who is never, ever-ever sick, turns over in bed, when I’m wont to finally wake him up, with a green look, a red face and a fever of 103.

The grand part is that H had taken the morning off for the Thanksgiving stage show and was able to sequester the one well child we had and begin simultaneously disinfecting the home and teaching said well child triple digit addition.

(Thank goodness for our capable Tromm and his “sanitary” cycle that washes clothes with smokin’ hot water that’s like 200 degrees Fahrenheit.)

We were blessed with an early 9:30 appointment with a gentleman I like to call the “old timey” doctor in the practice.  When Edward split his top lip completely, severing the frenulum, this fellow felt that gargling with a little baking soda was the ticket.

(You try getting a 2-year-old to gargle with anything.)

When Joseph contracted a nasty wart on his knee, Dr. Old Timey determined that a good “bike accident” was the best way to shear off that ‘sucker.’

Today I left my languishing Sue in her pull-ups from bedtime.  Dumb. Me.  I received a 10-minute-lecture on how horrific they were and how before their invention all children were potty trained by 18 months.

Sure.

Anyway, this same fellow was happy to see us sitting in his exam room, coughing, hacking, chalk-covered and weary.

“Ahhh, I’d know it anywhere,” he chortled with a broad, welcoming smile, as if greeting an old friend.

“Scarlet fever.”

“I don’t even need to do a throat culture!”

Well, there you go!  This is grand!  At any rate, it sounds quite romantic and Victorian.

“Ahhh, young man.  Seventy years ago and this would be a different story!  You’d have been quarantined for at least a month!”

Joseph shudders and looks over at me, a tad frightened.  Sue, however, likes this happy, gleeful doctor.

“I’m drawing a cat.”  She explains to him, pointing to the chalk board.  “But my brother is allergic to cats.”

“Ahhh cats!  One good thing for them, my friends!  A bag, rocks and a swift river.”

Edward looks over at me in his fevered state…so confused.

Sue begins to tell her version of the preschool mascot cat’s demise.

But Dr. Old Timey is out the door, coattails flying.  “Penicillin for you both!”

And he is gone.

Well, we have quarantined them.

Posted on 26 November '08 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 22 Comments.

Quirky Quotes From Past Weeks

We’ve had a crazy few weeks, and while I am still working on some sort of coherent post to share, I decided I would throw out a few quotes from the past week or so.

————————

So the Sunday School teacher asks the class what kinds of things a King would have at his birthday party.  Edward immediately starts to bounce in his chair excitedly.

He quickly raises his hand: “Stainless steel?”

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One of the sweet boys during Edward’s spend-the-night party:

“I’m allergic to plain donuts; my mom says I have to have chocolate-glazed.”

(This same boy also claimed to be allergic to plain cheese pizza and was only allowed to have “pepperoni and cheese.”)

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Sue, running in from outside on a particularly cold day;

“Oh Mommy!  Oh!  There’s an ant in my mucous!”

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Me to Edward who is concerned that his daddy will not be able to assemble the trampoline in time for his party:

“Everyone says it takes a full day, but If there’s one man in South Georgia who can put a trampoline together in two hours, it’s your father!”

(He made the deadline with time to spare!)

——————————-

Edward says this to Joseph; he’s actually rushing to finish his schoolwork:

“I’m gonna get finished with my work first so I can play with your stuff.”

Posted on 24 November '08 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 14 Comments.

Noctural Snakes Will Wait

–An Italian sonnet by a recently 7-year-old boy and his 8-year-old brother

I love the creek because snakes swim in it
The creek has many tadpoles that wander about
Snakes eat the tadpoles while the tadpoles shout
Many frogs croak while they watch the snakes sit
Alexander gives the frogs a get-well kit
Many hawks hover, watching frogs pout
Alexander worries frogs will shout
Snakes slither, watching Alexander spit
At the beginning of the night, frogs begin to sleep
Alexander feels curious and goes where snakes lay
He is bitten by a rat snake
Nocturnal snakes will wait for their keep
Alexander moans, “Yow, cow, thou, hey!”
He stumbles and calls for his brother, Blake.

Posted on 20 November '08 by , under Accidental Homeschooling. 10 Comments.

Boy Pajamas !

It doesn’t matter how many pink, silky, princessy pajamas our grandmamas give us.  We insist on wearing only “boy pajamas.”  That’s what you get for having two big brothers!

Posted on 19 November '08 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 13 Comments.

Encouragement…

First, I want to thank everyone for their encouragement of late.  I have definitely felt your prayers!  I never realized I would meet so many dear friends through writing, and I thank God for putting each of you in my path.

I am incredibly late with many of these awards, so please forgive me if it’s been several weeks, or in some cases months, since you lauded me.  There’s also a chance that you aren’t the actual person who gave me the award and I am just a hapless blogger being tossed about the blogosphere, rudderless, mudent, flashing awards willy-nilly and trampling fearlessly all over blogging etiquette.

I also fear that I may have lost some awards in my disorganization and attention-deprived state.  If I have, please remind me and I will rectify the error!

I sincerely appreciate being appreciated, and I look forward to passing these along to others.  If you have already received this award, please forgive me.  I just can’t keep up anymore!

Heidi (Stone Fox) from Mom’s Ministry & More, and Felicia from Go Graham Go! both lauded me with this beauty:

The qualifications to receive the award are:
A. Display a cheerful attitude.
B. Love one another.
C. Make mistakes.
D. Learn from others.
E. Be a positive contributor to the blog world.
F. Love life.
G. Love kids.

The Rules:

1. Must link it back to the creator.
2. Post the rules.
3. Choose 5 people to give it to.
4. Recipients must fill the characteristics above.
5. Create a post to share this.
6. You must thank the winner.

My five picks are:

Katie-bug Journey

Everyday Adventures

The Life and Times of Bendy Ruggles

The Power of Housewife Word of Mouth

The Red Clay Diaries

Sweet Jaden at The Life and Times of Bendy Ruggles encouraged me with this peaceful butterfly award.

Now, here are the *rules* that go along with this award:

1. Put the award up on your blog
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you
3. Nominate at least seven other blogs
4. Add links to these blogs on your blog
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog

And I pass this award along to:

Everyday Adventures

The Power of Housewife Word of Mouth

Me Time

Down-to-Earth-Mama

Enchanted Dandelions

Crazy Jugs

Walking by Faith

Helene blessed me with this gem:

So, here are the rules for the Shiny Object (or “Brillante Weblog Premio” Award):

1. Place the logo on your blog.
2. Link to the person who awarded you.
3. You can nominate up to 5 blogs.
4. You can then add their links to your blog.
5. Leave a message in the comment section to each nominee on their blog.

And the winners are:

Great Stuff 4 Kids

The Domestic Fringe

Cool Mom Guide

The Girl in the Middle

Van Pan

Mrs. Bear bestowed these two lovelies on me sometime in the past, and I am just now getting around to acknowledging them.  I know she will forgive me though, because she always does!

On this cute bear action, I have no idea what the rules are but I am granting it to Katie-bug JourneyThe Red Clay DiariesWalking by Faith, Mom’s Ministry & More and  Three Peas in a Pod.  It’s quite a happy one!

This award does look impressive and cool…two things Mrs. Bear knows I strive to be.

This award in particular requires that I list six things that make me happy along with six other worthy bloggers that I’ll bestow this trinket to.

Six Happy Times:

1.  When H makes coffee the night before and we actually have real cream instead of Rice Dream, which, incidentally, tastes quite lousy in coffee and makes it turn a troubling gray color.

2.  When all my children sleep in their part of the house.  I don’t even care of they stay in their own beds…they can sleep on the floor, in the den, wherever, as long as they don’t wake me up!

3.  When I pick up Sue from preschool and they do not whisper to me quietly about how she had an accident in her pants…again.

4.  When I pick my boys up from their creative writing class and I do not have to hear about potentially “dicey” words either boy used in his story.  Also when I do not have to call the mothers of other children in the class to let them know that my children may have, inadvertently, introduced their sweet child to some risque language…all in the name of creative writing.  (There is such a thing as being too creative, I am starting to learn.)

5.  When, despite my disorganization and supposed (but not actual) apathy toward blog awards, my friends still bestow them upon me.

6.  When I hear the same scripture over and over again throughout a week, thereby being quite convinced that God is trying to get something through my thick, stubborn skull.  (This has happened a lot lately, for which I am quite excited!)

Go forth!

1.  Everyday Adventures

2.  Down-to-Earth Mama

3.  Good Enough Mama

4.  Ali the Lazy Dog

5.  The Girl in the Middle

6.  Good Fountain

Dannette at Everyday Adventures blessed me with this cutie:

Such calming, pastel colors–it made my day!

Here are the rules for this one:
*Mention the blog that gave it to you and comment on their blog to let them know you’ve posted your award.
*Publish these rules.
*Share 6 values that are important to you and 6 things you do not support.
*Grant the prize to 6 people.

Six Important Values/Beliefs:

1. Christian Values & Religious Freedom

2.  Accepting and embracing those on the Autism Spectrum

3.  Homeschooling

4.  Vaccine Choice

5.  Capitalism

6.  Israel

Nix Support For These Values/Beliefs:

1.  Anti-Homeschool Legislation

2.  Mandated Vaccinations

3.  Socialism

4.  Apathy

5.  Ignorance

6.  Hypocrisy

Consider yourself granted with a major award:

Good Enough Mama

Walking by Faith

Mom’s Ministry and More

Good Fountain

The Grass Widow’s Diary

OK.

Whoosh.

I’m done!

Posted on 15 November '08 by , under "Did He Just Say ?", Faith is the Evidence, Humor/Disconnected Miscellany, Huswifery. 20 Comments.

Fish Pectin Marshmallow: It’s a Food Review?

Sounds appetizing, eh?

Something about marshmallows in any way associated with Nile Perch and Tilapia is troubling…

Yet here’s a close gander at a perfectly toasted sampling:

You see, it all started when my mother-in-law, whom I earnestly, dearly love, sent Edward a Marshmallow Bow and Arrow for his birthday from drugstore.com.  For a child obsessed with the Middle Ages, a child who cannot stop talking about the importance of the Ottoman Empire, this was a fetching choice.

Feel that wild love?

The only issue was his inability to actually eat traditional mini-marshmallows due to their inclusion of obvious enemies tetrasodium pyrophosphate and artificial color “blue 1″–a particular nemesis–after they had been shot.

Yet, without fail, the ‘squirrel people‘ sent their promised Halloween/Birthday candy stash for the gluten/casein/food dye/artificial flavor-sensitive–two weeks late–and it included a package of fish gelatin marshmallows.

I’ll just lead off with a typical Edward quote:

“Well, they smell like rotted fish, but they do taste quite sweet and good.  I like them!  I really do!  You just need to hold your nose when you eat them!”

Good times.  For a family that guzzles fish oil like cheap ripple, this is fab.

Whoosh!

Dodged that one because although these mallows are.not.cheap, they enable us to embrace the familiar thrill of toasted marshmallows.

At this point, I just seize the joy and run with it!

I run for the hills!  It’s vitally important!

Posted on 13 November '08 by , under GF/CF Diet/Food Reviews. 14 Comments.

The Winner Is…

Yes, almost 10 days late, I finally coerced H into drawing a name for the winner of this grand Sensory Processing periodical.

And the winner is:

Adonya has a wonderful web site, and has also recently written a book so please check out her blog!

Edward woke up during this drawing and is pictured here with his beloved Webkin, “Jet.”

I know.  Who sleeps in a golf shirt?  (We do…when it’s convenient.)

Thanks for playing!

Posted on 13 November '08 by , under Autism Spectrum/Sensory Processing. 3 Comments.

Wordless Wednesday: Grrrrr!

Mrs. Bear requested I post a picture of this coveted Tiger Suit several weeks ago.

(I bought this suit at a garage sale for $1 like 7 years ago…Joseph wore it I believe three Halloweens in a row.  Every child has thrilled to it.)

I always aim to please so here it is!

Posted on 12 November '08 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 23 Comments.