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Archive for August, 2007

Edward In Ketosis

This breakfast plan is horrific…

Pop-tarts!  Pop-tarts have almost no nutritional value; yet they are almost always one of the options.  This is simply a sugar/white flour overload to a child used to “whole grains.”  Our teacher is allowing us to be the only child in the class who “opts out” of the mandatory program simply because at this point she will do anything that might encourage him to stay in his seat and stop asking questions!

I make a lovely two-egg omelette and he gulps it down every day before school with nothing more than spring water, Bright Spark and Focus Formula.

Sounds good, eh?  Free range eggs, organic butter, what could go wrong?

Wrong is when you force your 5-year-old into some sort of Atkins-like ketosis from too few carbs and he collapses in the hall of school.

His teacher called me frantically to let me know he had passed out.  (My mind raced in fear–were the eggs bad?)  Five minutes later,  “Oh, he’s fine now.  He’s eating chicken fingers with Nurse.”  Nurse? What century are we living in?

When I go to pick him up, he is reading the “Dangers of Smoking” poster aloud to “Nurse” while thoughtfully enjoying a Blowpop.  He pronounces “carcinogens” correctly, I note proudly.

Nurse gives me a funny look and asks an all-too familiar question:  “Has he always been like this?”

Like what, I wonder silently.  So clever, so prone to “falling out”, so hyperlexic, so active, so funny, so curly-headed, so inquisitive, so chicken finger-loving, so…wonderful?

“Yes ma’am, he has” I answer.  Because whatever she means, it’s probably true.

Now we have two weeks of glucose monitoring and a trip to a pediatric endocrinologist to thank for this diet change.  Thankfully, he has embraced the glucose monitoring and the daily visits to “Nurse” so she can check his blood.

And, he’s learned how to check his own, as well as every other family member’s blood, so we feel quite comfortable with his plans for a future as a crime-fighting endocrinologist.

Edward flops into the van: “Don’t look in my bookbag…just don’t look. I made a big mistake today!”

Protesting the fact that he did not receive the Pop-tart snack like everyone else, he apparently proceeded to do a few “pretend” Karate chops in the direction of the teacher’s leg.

This breakfast program is going to do us in…

Posted on 28 August '07 by , under Autism Spectrum/Sensory Processing, Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. No Comments.

A School That Serves Funnel Cakes…

Yes, we have been welcomed to some experimental (yet mandatory) free breakfast program for our local school system.

This sounds all fine and good until you peruse the breakfast menu choices. I cannot imagine my hyperactive 5-year-old on a FUNNEL CAKE breakfast!  You might as well give him a box of powdered sugar and a straw.

The offering labeled “Pancake Pod” is literally a white flour pancake with about half a cup of high fructose corn syrup-infused grape jelly plopped down in the middle of it.

Remember, this is from a school system that has the “riblet sandwich” on their regular lunch rotation.

In the interest of somehow keeping Edward enrolled in the “award-winning computer magnet academy” as he calls it, I have orchestrated a strict daily breakfast of scrambled organic eggs and water—no deviations—not even a banana! Maybe after he’s made it to the 6-week mark, I can introduce a small piece of fruit or bran muffin, but for right now, it’s the egg-only option.

No, we don’t have money for more than two computers in the classroom but just sit back and relax!  Have a funnel cake!

Shhhhh…close your eyes and pretend you are at the State Fair!  Don’t you hear the midway rumbling?  Hmmm, it feels like someone is peeing on my shoe.

Very disorienting…particularly to a 5-year-old.

Posted on 18 August '07 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. 7 Comments.

“Kevin threw up in his lunch,” or the First Day of Kindergarten!

My heart pounded furiously as I edged the Town & Country up to the curb in front of the award-winning Computer Magnet Academy.  Hastily I searched the sea of kindergartners, stopping quickly at a mass of curly hair popping up and down, bookbag flopping, clutching a Blowpop—my 5-year-old!

I jumped out of the van, tears in my eyes, ready to hear the verdict.

Edward ran toward me, smiling gleefully, and cried, “Mom, it was great!  I found a baby frog on the playground and Kevin threw up in his lunch!  And he was sitting across from me!”

What could be better?

Posted on 12 August '07 by , under Humor/Disconnected Miscellany. No Comments.